Which Is the Best Aisle in the Supermarket for Flirting With Girls?
I need your help now that I’ve given up dating apps
Okay, I admit it, I fell off the wagon. Hey, relapse is part of the healing process, right? They say you have to stop being so hard on yourself! Last March, I took a big step forward in my break from dating apps. I managed to permanently delete my account on the only app I’d been using for years, without ever finding love or even meeting anyone interesting. I lasted a month before (re)installing Tinder and upgrading to a Gold subscription. I’m so weak, but it’s summer!
I had already tried Tinder in the past. With disastrous results, to say the least. A few hookups, maybe? And even those were lame for the most part! Except for the Portuguese girl! That was a few weeks’ fling.
Ah, the Portuguese girl. Haven’t I told you about her? Her name was Clémentine. She must still be called Clémentine, if she’s still alive. I think I’ve already written here that her gaze transported me to another galaxy. She would look at me and I was crazy with desire. Unfortunately, she didn’t want a serious relationship with me.
What was I saying? Oh yes, disastrous results. Not only in terms of dating, as you can imagine, but also in terms of finances, with a lot of money going up in smoke, or rather into the bank account of one of the most popular apps on the online dating market. One of the worst businesses on the planet, by the way.
Yes, it’s true, some people have found the love of their life on Tinder, and that may even be the case for you reading this, so congratulations! That said, you’re smart enough to know that the way these damn apps work is extremely harmful to most people, and in fact, their success has been waning in recent years. I’m too lazy to find articles about it, but I’m sure you can find them yourselves.
Single women and men in 2025 are fed up with this online dating nonsense! We want something direct, real, spontaneous, real life! Real life, here we come. This June will be my last time playing this horrible game of online dating. Deleting Tinder. Game over. This time, I’m sticking to it!
My therapist, the post office, and the supermarket
Right now, as I’m looking for work, I don’t go out much. Not at all, actually. My only outings at the moment are to see my therapist, go to the post office to pick up a package, or go to the supermarket to do some shopping. Let’s take it step by step, if you don’t mind.
My therapist. Okay, she’s very cute and mixed race, totally my type. She must be about my age. But she’s my therapist and she looks married, so you can’t joke around with that! Plus, I’m very serious about seeing her and I’m really counting on her support to help me move forward in my life. So it’s a big NO. Unless, of course, she throws herself into my arms!
The post office. There might be a chance. It’s from another era and the clerks are hidden behind their protective glass, but one of them (one of the clerks, not one of the protective glass panels) has a certain charm. She seems quite reserved, sweet, and calm at the same time. I don’t think I could fall in love with her, but having a drink and talking about this and that could be a pleasant and fun time. Even if it means ending up naked.
Now I just have to figure out how to approach her. I thought about slipping her an envelope with a little note inside when I go to pick up a package. It’s not very brave, but it’s better than doing nothing. I could put a stamp on the envelope and just write “For you” instead of the address. It might make her smile or scare her, I don’t know. But I look like a nice guy!
The supermarket. It’s probably the most interesting and exciting place, let’s see. Ladies, I’m talking to you. Do you have a particular way of pushing your shopping cart when you’re shopping and desperately looking for a man? Is there a particular sign I should look out for? Similarly, when you put your yogurts on the conveyor belt at the checkout, do you have a certain body language that tells me you’re open to meeting someone?
As for the best aisle to approach you in a relaxed manner, do you have a preference? For example, if you like cooking, would you expect me to pluck up my courage and try something in the “world cuisine” aisle? I don’t know much about spices, but I could give it a try!
Personally, I’m thinking of the fish counter. It would be an opportunity to talk about the third United Nations Ocean Conference (UNOC 3), which took place in Nice, France, from June 9 to 13. Okay, I admit it’s not exactly exciting. Hey! I couldn’t date a woman who only buys fish caught in trawl nets! It’s a disaster for the marine ecosystem! We should only buy fish caught with a line! Okay, let’s move on to another aisle.
Fruit and vegetables. Now that’s great! Fresh and juicy, just like our future romp in the hay! Sorry, our future love story! How should I approach you when you’re carefully selecting your apricots? Your leeks? Your tomatoes? Your peaches? Your cucumbers? Forget the cucumbers, that’ll be misinterpreted. Oh, screw it, I’m out of ideas. Besides, why should it always be up to us men to make an effort to seduce you?
Are there any other aisles where you feel comfortable and would like to be approached, ladies? I don’t mean to criticize, but I do get the impression that you always look grumpy when you’re shopping. Okay, fine, I also find it hard to smile when I’m pushing that damn cart around. We all agree that we could do without the chore of buying food and toilet paper while making our bank accounts suffer. But still! If you don’t smile, how am I supposed to? The toilet paper aisle! I forgot! Do you prefer soft paper? Single or double ply? Plain or patterned?
Okay, I’ll leave you in peace.
The data analyst, and the dentist
Are there any data analysts out there who can tell me which supermarket aisles are most likely to lead to couples getting together? That data must exist somewhere, right? It would be a huge help, thanks in advance! I’m not going to stop shopping just because of this!
Well, I have to go now. I have a package to pick up at the post office and I need to start praying for my dentist appointment next Monday.
The dentist! No, let’s not go there.
Important note: I am offering a shopping cart ride and four organic yogurts to all single women who respond to this story.
As a woman who's also fed up of dating apps may I just say this article is right up my alley. Here's a line you can try "I couldn't help but notice..." and then pick something. If you're in a super market great, talk abt the item and see how far you can go with it. Practice makes perfect.
I couldn't help but notice...
You're welcome!
Can I get that shopping cart ride please? 🙏🏻